


Forget-me-not

by orphan_account



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Sexy Zone
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-03-11 09:38:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3322658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fuma's short-term memory has been affected by a concussion, and he can't shake off the feeling that Kento is hiding something he has forgotten.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forget-me-not

**Author's Note:**

  * For [givemeyoursmile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/givemeyoursmile/gifts).



> I had already thrown this idea into my imaginary trash can when Michelle helped me bring life to it :33 Thank you!

Fuma’s POV

When I opened my eyes, I had to blink against the bright light of the foreign room I found myself in, deciding to quickly press my lids closed again when a sharp pain flashed through my head at the attempt of taking in my surroundings. Ouch.

“Fuma-Kun?!” I heard someone call, and it took me a few seconds to connect Marius’ face to the familiar voice. “Fuma-Kun, can you hear me?”

There were hands shaking my shoulder tentatively, and I produced an acknowledging groan as I forced my eyes open again, grimacing at the new wave of pain. 

I turned my head to scan the room, first spotting Shori and Sou standing at the foot of my bed, staring at me with pale faces, before finding Marius at my side, hand still on my shoulder and eyes glued to my face in worry. 

“What…?” Was all I could bring out, the headache numbing my brain, but Marius started talking despite the ineloquent question, voice slightly shaky and frantic.

“You stumbled and fell down a whole set of stairs at work! You must have hit your head because you were not opening your eyes, so we had to call an ambulance, and-”

Marius only cut himself off when the door opened, everyone turning to look at the person entering the room. I only realized that it was Kento when he stepped further into my view, seeming exhausted and drained as his fist clenched around his phone and he looked at me for a strangely long moment, in a way that seemed to pierce right through me, making my heart jump uncomfortably, though I had no idea why. 

“You are awake” he said quietly, eyes not leaving my face. “How are you feeling?”

“Fabulous” I croaked sarcastically, breaking the weird tension I did not understand and making Kento avert his eyes to look at Sou and Shori. 

“Did anyone report to the nurses that he is awake?”

“No” Shori shook his head. “Did you reach his parents?”

“Yes, they are on the way” Kento nodded before turning for the door again. “I will go see if I can find anyone to have a look at him.”

I stared after him as he left the room, wondering why my chest felt so tight as he disappeared out of sight. It was a feeling almost as if I had forgotten something, something important, but it made no sense in this particular context, and the confusion only deepened my headache.

I only understood the source of this anxiety when Kento finally returned with a nurse and a doctor, chasing our band mates out of the room under the pretense to get drinks for all of them, only to stay pressed against the wall next to the door himself, observing how the doctor questioned me about my condition. 

“Do you remember your accident?” I finally averted my eyes from Kento to blink at the doctor, trying to remember anything, without success. All I could come up with was a deeper headache, so I stopped trying and just shook my head in response. 

“What is the last thing you remember?”

I tried to reach through the pain for anything, but my mind seemed cloudy and foggy, and I couldn’t make out shapes or memories. 

“I don’t know” I said finally, noticing how the doctor exchanged a quick glance with the nurse. His voice was casual, though, when he continued speaking. 

“What is your name?”

“Kikuchi Fuma.”

“How old are you?” 

“19 years old.”

“That boy over there, what’s his name?” He pointed over to Kento, who was watching me with a slight frown.

“Nakajima Kento.”

“How is your relation to him?”

“We are friends. And well, colleagues, you may say.”

“What did you have for breakfast today?”

Again, my mind seemed to block out the memory, and I frowned at myself, shaking my head again. 

“What did you do yesterday?”

“I… don’t know.”

“What did you do this weekend?”

“I went snowboarding with friends.”

“I see” the doctor nodded, noting something down. “It seems like you are suffering from a temporary loss of your short-term memory. That is nothing to worry about, though, it is a common symptom of concussions. Things might come back to you eventually. Important is that you take a good rest to recover. We will keep you in for observation tonight, but I think you can leave tomorrow.”

“Thank you” I nodded, and the doctor excused himself as the nurse lay out some medication for me, mainly to dull my headache. Only when she had left, too, Kento finally approached me, taking the empty chair next to my bed. 

“I’m glad it’s nothing serious” he said finally, looking strangely tired, making me feel a wave of guilt. I knew what it felt like, to see your friend lose consciousness in front of your eyes, and I had never planned on giving Kento that kind of experience. “Please take good care of yourself. I talked to the management earlier, you are off work for the rest of the week.”

“Thanks” I murmured, biting my lip. “Did I forget anything important? Has anything happened in the last few days that I should know?”

Something flashed over Kento’s face at my question, some sort of emotion, but before I could pinpoint it, it had already disappeared, making me wonder if I had imagined it. Kento was smiling when he answered.

“Absolutely nothing” he shrugged. “Don’t worry about it.”

I nodded, and then the door opened, revealing our younger members and my family, taking my mind off Kento completely, for now. 

***

I stayed in the hospital for one night, and at home for the five following days. Marius kept me informed about everything that was happening at work without me even needing to ask, and Kento messaged me a few times, checking on my condition. 

I did not remember anything about the last two days before the accident, and while it bothered me slightly, I did not press the subject too much. Kento seemed to have told me the truth - according to everyone, nothing spectacular had happened anyways, so remembering would not really make that much of a difference. 

I had almost completely put it behind me when the night before going back to work, I had a weird, intense dream. 

The surroundings were kind of blurred, but the one thing that I saw clearly in front of my inner eye was Kento, sweaty and slightly out of breath, his eyes locked on mine in a way that had made my heart race even in my dream. 

We had not exchanged any words, but I could still remember every detail about it even after waking up: His tongue darting out to wet his lips, a drop of sweat running right over the mole on his nose, and then, we were kissing. 

I was not sure who had started it. Maybe no one. Maybe we had moved in exactly the same moment, our lips meeting in the middle, brushing softly against each other, in a way that sent tingles up and down my spine even now as I was sitting in my bed, breathing uneven as I replayed it in my mind. 

I could recall everything: The scent of his perfume mixed with sweat, the taste of his lips, of sports drink and the lipgloss we used for performances, and the feeling of his breath against my lips. 

It were these memories that made the dream so intense, so _real_ that it had me sitting in my bed for so long that my mother came knocking on my door to check if I had missed my alarm. And even when I got up to shower, I felt like walking on a very thin layer of ice, like I was threatening to crush down into whatever was awaiting me under the ground any moment, and the weird fear clinging to my heart did not let go of me even as I stepped out of the house an hour later to get to work. 

Marius was all over me as soon as I entered the dressing room, distracting me so much that I almost forgot about the dream for a moment, at least until Kento arrived and my skin was tingling again at his mere sight, my body subconsciously recalling what it felt like to have his mouth move against mine. 

I could not have dreamt this up, I decided as Kento met my eyes to ask me how I was feeling. My dreams were never this detailed or realistic. It must have been a memory instead, something I had forgotten because of my concussion, and it made me irrationally angry with him, because it meant he must have lied to me about the events leading to my accident. 

“Fuma?” Kento frowned at me when I didn’t answer him, just staring back as if in trance. “Are you okay? Are you not feeling well?”

“You” I breathed, grabbing his wrist and glaring at him menacingly. “Come with me, I need to ask you something!”

I could feel the eyes of the others on us as I dragged him out of the room, into the empty corridor, only turning to face him again when I was sure that we were alone and out of hearing distance. 

“We kissed, didn’t we?!” I demanded, my eyes zooming in on his confused expression, trying to find the flaw underneath his act. “I remember something, and I’m pretty sure it’s not a dream! We must have kissed before my accident! Why were you trying to cover it up?!”

There was a moment of silence in which Kento looked at me, frown deep and eyes narrow, but the trace of insecurity or guilt that I was searching for nowhere to be found. 

“Fuma, what are you talking about?” He asked finally. “Why should we have kissed?”

I blinked at that, all my hot anger slowly fading to confusion.

“But…” I murmured, frowning back at him. “You were… I saw…”

“When should this have happened?” Kento demanded quietly. “And where?”

“I don’t know!” I returned in frustration, clutching his wrist. “I remember nothing else, I just…”

I did not know how to continue, though, unsure how to explain why I knew that my dream had been real when I had no proofs to back it up, other than this nagging feeling in my chest. 

Kento waited for a moment, giving me a chance to elaborate, but when I didn’t, he said slowly: “I think you must be confused. Maybe your subconscious mind is playing tricks on you.” 

“It’s not!” I snapped. “It felt real! I never have dreams like that! You are lying to me!”

“Why should I do that, Fuma?” Kento demanded, looking so sincerely shaken by my words that it planted a trace of doubt into my mind. “Have I ever lied to you like this before?”

Almost unwillingly, I shook my head, biting my lip. There was another silence between us, before Kento gently peeled my fingers off his wrist to take my hand in both of mine, looking at me earnestly. 

“I told you, nothing has happened in the time before your accident” he said simply. “I would have let you know, otherwise. Trust me.”

Looking at him, I wondered if it was really my mind playing tricks on me, after all. Everything inside of me was still protesting in suspicion, because the scent of Kento’s perfume that I could smell from our close distance was exactly the same as the one in my dream and it felt like a reminder that it could not just have happened in my mind, but then again, Kento was right. He had no reason to lie to me. 

Finally, I nodded, and Kento squeezed my hand before letting go, smiling at me softly.

“Are you sure you are alright, Fuma?” He asked finally. “Maybe you should rest some more.”

“I am good” I answered in a small voice. “I… don’t know what that dream was about, then.”

“Okay” Kento nodded. “But don’t overexert yourself.” I nodded, but did not speak up, so he continued: “And now we should go back, before the kids start thinking we are fighting.”

Again, I nodded, hesitantly following after him. 

The day flew by without any more incidents, after that, but even though Kento kept shooting me worried glances, the feeling that something was not right kept clinging to my heart, making me feel uneasy and strangely helpless.

***

I confirmed the events of the days before my accident with seven other people: Marius, Sou, Shori, my parents, Juri and Shintaro. Everyone had told me the same things Kento had. 

On Monday, we had filmed Shokura. On Tuesday, I had been to a second casting for the drama role I had been striving for. On Wednesday, the band had gathered at the agency to take off for a couple of interviews together. That was when I had fallen down the stairs. Nothing out of the ordinary had occurred in that time. 

Maybe I was really insane, I figured. I mean, Kento really had no reason to lie to me. This whole thing went beyond all logic.

Only maybe, it didn’t, not really, at least to me. Because my feelings for Kento… they had not been those of a friend for a while now. Our friendship had been like a roller coaster ride for the past two years, with its up and downs, but all of this had only served to deepen my feelings for him and make me understand that he was much more important to me than a friendship could take. 

I had accepted that I was in love with him, so the thought that we could have kissed and I could have forgotten about it was unsettling in more than one way. 

But maybe, I figured, my mind had just made it up particularly because I was wishing for it to happen. Maybe it had really been just a very realistic delusion, and I was clinging to it because I _wanted_ it to be reality.

It was what I kept telling myself for a few more days, and I had almost convinced myself when at the end of the week, I remembered something else.

It was sudden and unexpected: Walking into our dressing room on Thursday morning, I had found everyone but Kento gathered already. Marius and Sou were discussing something in Marius’ Kanji book, and Shori was typing a message, none of them really paying attention to me as I called my greetings into the round.

My eyes fell onto Kento’s bag then, dropped into a corner of the room, and with a frown, I turned to Shori. 

“Where is Nakajima?”

“Meeting with the management” he shrugged without looking up, and I nodded as I put my bag down as well, when suddenly, a wave of dizziness washed over me, and it felt as if the world was spinning around me and disappearing. 

Voices and pictures appeared in my mind. I saw the same room, the same people, speaking even the same words, only at a different time, and I needed to hold onto a chair for support to keep my knees from giving out as I slowly found back to reality.

“Fuma-Kun?” Marius asked, him and Sou having held in to look at me. “Are you okay? You look sick.”

I looked at them with wide eyes, my heart racing as I tried to string my thoughts together.

“This has happened before” I whispered. “I came in and Nakajima was not here… That happened before my accident, too, didn’t it?” 

All of them stared at me in confusion, before Sou raised his eyebrows in realization. 

“It did!” he nodded, looking at Marius and Shori for confirmation. “Before Fuma-Kun fell down the stairs! Kento-Kun was talking to that management that morning, too! He only returned shortly before it was time to go!”

“Right” Shori nodded, frowning at me. “Are you starting to remember?” 

“I… think so” I murmured, fingers clenching around the back of the chair out of different reasons now. 

It was then, that the door opened and Kento entered the room. He held in after closing the door behind himself, taking in the tension of the room and finally meeting my eyes. 

“Did something happen?”

“Fuma-Kun is starting to remember things!” Marius announced. “Isn’t that great?!”

Kento’s face was guarded at that piece of information, but he nodded, producing a smile that did not reach his eyes. 

“It is! What did you remember, Fuma?”

“The morning before the fall… or pieces of it” I said slowly, eyes still glued to his face. 

“Oh” Kento nodded, and after a short silence, he made his way over to his bag, rummaging through it. 

I kept my eyes on him, suddenly very sure that I was not imagining a thing: The kiss had happened, just like the things I had seen right now, and Kento was trying to hide it from me, though I had no idea why. 

***

“Fuma, why are we here?!” Juri hissed as we made our way through the backstage area of the NHK Hall, nodding at a couple of staff members passing us by on the way. “What did you forget here last week?”

“I don’t know” I said seriously before opening the door to where usually Sexy Zone’s dressing room was, taking a careful look around. 

“What do you mean, you _don’t know_?!” Juri frowned. “I thought you had lost something, and that’s why-”

I shook my head, and with a last look around, I stepped out of the room again and continued further down the corridor, towards the back of the stage. Juri hurried after me, a little out of breath as he whispered: “Are you still suffering from that concussion? You seem diffuse.”

“Maybe I am” I shrugged, taking in my surroundings closely, trying to remember anything that my subconscious mind could be blocking from my memory. 

I had dragged Juri here after a shared lunch, under the pretense of missing something important that I could have lost only here, though my real motive was far less material. I was convinced by now that Kento was trying to hide something from me, and after pondering about it all night and all morning, I had come to the conclusion that it could have only happened here, during the Shounen Club filming last monday. 

I had tried to revisit the kiss in my memories, and everything pointed to a situation throughout the recording of the show: The lip gloss, Kento sweaty and out of breath… The kiss must have happened directly after a performance, so maybe, if I returned to the scene of the act, I would be able to remember more. 

I finally reached the dark area at the back of the stage, and Juri switched on the lights before turning to watch me closely. 

“Seriously, Fuma, I am pretty sure the cleaning ladies would have found it if you had forgotten anything here. Maybe we should ask the landlord if they have anything-”

“Shh” I cut him off, stepping further into the room, and Juri blinked in confusion before falling silent. I made my way through the backstage area with him following closely behind me, and it was only when we reached the corner where usually the costumes were stored, that something was stirred inside of me.

The memories crushed down on me as suddenly as the day before, images of Kento and me, standing exactly where I was standing now, in our costumes, kissing just the way I had seen it happening in my dream. Kento’s hand in my hair and me clinging to his waist and then, we had jumped apart at someone walking in on us. 

I felt dizzy when I returned to reality, and Juri had slung an arm around my shoulder to keep me steady.

“Fuma, what is going on?!” he demanded, sounding slightly scared now. “What’s wrong?”

“I remembered something” I whispered, holding onto him for support. “I know that Nakajima lied to me, and I need to go and kick his ass for it.”

Juri sighed, obviously having given up on trying to figure out what this was about, and just nodding in surrender. 

“Fine, I will drive you so you can kick all the ass you want. Can we go now?”

***

Juri did drive me to Kento’s place, and I promised him that I would explain everything once I had figured out what was going on, but Juri just rolled his eyes, murmuring something about not wanting to know before kicking me out of his car and leaving.

Kento’s mother opened the door when I rang the bell, and after a short maternal chat about how I was feeling and if I had fully recovered already, she sent me up to Kento’s room. 

Kento called me in right after the first knock, obviously not expecting anyone other than his parents because he was still leaned over his desk when I opened the door, only looking up when I cleared my throat.

“Fuma” he murmured, eyes wide as he stared at me. “What… why are you here?”

“We need to talk!” I said firmly, stepping into the room and gently closing the door behind me, leaning against it as I frowned at Kento. “About that kiss.”

I could literally see the mask being rearranged on Kento’s face, but this time I did not let it fool me. 

“Fuma, I told you this must have been a dream” Kento said softly. “We did not-”

“Yes we did!” I snapped, and Kento jerked a little at the brusque tone of my voice. “I remember it now! It happened backstage throughout Shounen Club filming, and if you want to, I can tell you exactly what you were wearing and whatever else you need to finally drop this stupid act! So stop selling me off as dumb and tell me why you keep lying to me!”

I could see Kento’s mask crumbling at my words, like shards of a kaleidoscope moving in his eyes, and his fingers balled into a fist, knuckles going white. 

He did not answer, and my voice was a little shaky when I continued speaking. 

“I love you” I confessed, watching Kento bite his lip in response. “And I realize it might have been awkward to tell me that we have kissed when I didn’t remember it, but why go as far as denying it?! Are you regretting it?! Is that why you wanted to make it undone?!”

“I’m not-” Kento murmured, clearing his throat and avoiding my gaze. “It’s not the way you think it is.”

“Then explain it to me!” I demanded.

“How much do you remember?” he asked, taking a deep breath. “Only the kiss? Or also what happened after?”

I frowned, trying to recall the images I had retrieved earlier. 

“I think… someone walked in on us…” I said slowly.

“Yes” Kento nodded, and I realized how pale he was. “That was our manager.”

“Okay” I said slowly, thoughtfully. “So did he say anything?”

“Not that day” Kento whispered. “But he reported us to the upper management, and they called me in.”

“... the morning before my accident…” I mused, and Kento nodded in confirmation. “What did they say?”

“To be aware of our positions, and what it would mean for us if a relationship like this ever leaked out to the press” Kento explained, sounding almost numb. “They asked me to reconsider, for both of our sakes.”

“So when I did not remember, you thought it was the perfect opportunity to forget about it!” I scoffed, angry again. 

“I thought it was better that way!” Kento called, voice loud and defensive now. “They kept reminding me of the situation the band is in, and our reputations… _your_ reputation, and the drama role you were striving for. A _romance_ drama, and what rumors like this would do to your chances of getting it! I did not want to stand in your way, okay?!”

I took a deep breath, trying to let all this information sink in and make sense out of it. Kento was staring at the floor, blinking suspiciously often, and it made me gulp down the anger and frustration with him to think rationally. 

“So, basically, they pressured you until you budged” I said finally. “And instead of talking to me, you took the easy way out. Because you are a freaking martyr.”

“I did not want to cause trouble for any of us” Kento returned weakly. 

“Have you ever considered that I might not care as much about a stupid drama role as I care about you?” I prodded finally. “Or that we might actually be smart enough to keep this a secret?”

“We managed to blow it with our first kiss, Fuma!” Kento reminded me idly. “Let’s face it, we have not been very smart about this to begin with!”

“That does not mean we can’t learn from our mistakes!” I called. “There are idols who are hiding their relationships for more than a decade, so why can’t we?! This agency has never truly interfered with people’s private matters, and I am pretty sure they will not start with us! We have a right on a romantic life!”

“We are different, can’t you see that in the mere fact that they called me in just because of a freaking kiss?!” Kento groaned. “We are two guys, and they will watch us more closely now that they know! Maybe they will even intervene with the band!”

“Well that would really be news” I called sarcastically. “I wonder what that feels like!”

“I am seriously, Fuma!” Kento snapped. 

“So am I! Don’t you realize why they talked to you, and not me?! Because they knew you are easier to scare, and that I would not have given a damn! I still don’t!”

“Well _I_ do!”

“What are you worried about? That I don’t get that drama role? That they will pull us out of the spotlight?” When Kento did not answer, I crossed the room, cupping his cheeks in quick movements to make sure he could not back away before pressing my lips against his. 

That second kiss was nothing like the first one; it was rough and full of raw emotions, and it was about me making a point, which I was quite sure I had managed when I pulled away to look down at Kento, noting how flushed and out of breath he was.

“I’m gonna go get that drama role, if that’s what it takes for you to be with me!” I hissed, making Kento gulp. “And when I have it, they can’t pull me out of the spotlight, and you won’t have anything to worry about anymore! Deal? Deal!”

I let go of Kento before he could have even formed a reply, turning my back to him and crossing the room again. 

Kento called my name just as I had reached for the door knob, and I held in to throw a look at him over my shoulder. 

“I won’t have any more protests” I said seriously. “If you think I would give up on anything I want that easily, you don’t know me at all. And don’t you dare underestimate how much I want you!”

Kento seemed speechless at that, a thousand emotions in his eyes that told me more about what he was feeling than anything he had said in the last two weeks, and I wanted nothing more than to pull him into my arms right then and there and make him forget about all his fears until he could think of nothing but me. 

Instead, I pulled the door open and left without another word. 

***

It was the beginning of the next week when our manager told me that I had the job. I could not suppress the triumphant grin when he told me, and his smile was wary as he observed my expression. 

“You remember by now, don’t you?” he sighed. “The thing with Nakajima-Kun. He told me that you had forgotten, but you didn’t, did you?”

“Not for long” I shrugged, my eyes almost challenging. 

“You are not going to listen to me if I tell you what we told Nakajima-Kun either, I assume.”

“No” I agreed. “And you’d do well to stay out of my private business, or I might become uncomfortable.”

“You are always uncomfortable” he admitted, sounding resigned, and I grinned, feeling strangely praised by that statement. “Anyways, I will let you know as soon as I have infos about filming schedules.”

“Thanks for your hard work” I nodded, and without another word, I took off for my car. 

I had somewhere to be, after all.

***

Kento was the one opening the door when I rang the bell this time, and he did not even seem surprised to see me. 

“You might be interested to hear that I got the role” I informed him without much preamble, inviting myself in by pushing past him and kicking off my shoes as he closed the door. 

“I feared as much” Kento answered, but I could hear the smile in his voice, and it betrayed his real feelings. 

I threw a look down the corridor, noting how quiet the house was.

“You are alone?” I enquired casually. 

“Yes” Kento confirmed, finally meeting my eyes, but only for a couple of seconds before I crossed the distance between us and pulled him into me. 

Our third kiss was again different, somehow stronger than the others, maybe because there was nothing left to doubt. Kento clung to me tightly, as if the tiniest bit of space between us was undesirable, and I could not agree more as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and chased his tongue with mine. 

It felt a little like coming home after a long, long journey, and when I pulled away, Kento seemed as relieved as I felt, resting his forehead onto my shoulder and refusing to let go. 

“Admit it, you never wanted me to forget in the first place” I said finally, turning my head and pressing my lips against his temple. “Not really.”

“It almost killed me to lie to you” he murmured, squeezing his arms around my waist. “And to pretend that I did not love you the way I do.”

“Good” I said briskly, pressing another kiss into his skin. “You’d better make it up to me from now on.”

Kento was smiling when he raised his head to look at me, and I thought that I had missed that light in his eyes just the moment before he kissed me again, and every thought was chased out of my head anyways. 


End file.
